1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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