Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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