Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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