so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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