Apparently you make a good broom.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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