Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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