can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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