just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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