last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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