Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize