i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
did you just send me my own nude
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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