xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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