I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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