mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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