i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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