I just cut my nipple shaving
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
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he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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