Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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