Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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