Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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