pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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