you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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