Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize