I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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