There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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