There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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