he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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