im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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