You made me cry and you don't even care
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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