dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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