I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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