why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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