This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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