Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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