i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
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He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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