The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize