the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize