You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize