I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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