Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize