3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize