I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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