in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize