Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize