You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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