god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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