It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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