there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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