VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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