Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize