My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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